Chapter 1 Friday Evening

Twelve men and twelve women. Will this work? Are we crazy? Sol checks the room as stragglers find a place to sit. Seeing a few smiles of anticipation here and there, he relaxes a bit and thinks back a couple of years, before he and Trish started dating, Would I have done this? I don’t think so. I would have wanted to, but …

Trish drops down beside him bubbling over with excitement and whispers, “Look! They came! And some are even smiling! Are you nervous?”

He shrugs with a smile watching as she gathers her hair and takes the ever-present scrunchie off her wrist and attempts to corral her unruly locks. How did this ball of energy and curls choose me? Remembering the class that opened his mind, he thought to himself.  It changed everything. Trish is right. If it worked for us, it could work for this group.

Sol stands, and she watches him as he waits for the room to quieten. How did this – what did they say in that movie? How did this tall drink of water choose me? She catches his eye and gives him a huge smile holding her thumbs up.

Unable to keep from smiling in response, Sol looks at the room and takes a deep breath. “If I could have your attention,” he pauses until the room is silent. “I’m Pastor Sol and I’d like to start the weekend with prayer.”

“Father, I’m overwhelmed by the anticipation and hope pulsing throughout this room. We need your wisdom and truth. You created Eve for Adam because he would be better with a helper. Your children were created the same and they have come here in hopes of finding their helpmate. Let those already married be a godly example of Christian marriage. Let those who are single, open their minds and bare their souls so they can truly learn to know each other.”

“We are only human and prone to mess up, so please let the Holy Spirit in each of us reign over any hurt feelings, misunderstandings, or jealousies that may occur this weekend. We ask all this in Jesus’ name. Amen.” Sol smiles at the group as he moves to his chair.

This is really happening. I’m at a retreat to find a husband. A brunette squirms self-consciously in her chair.

A man at the front gently strums his guitar and his smooth voice washes over them.

When he told you you’re not good enough

When he told you you’re not right

When he told you you’re not strong enough

To put up a good fight

When he told you you’re not worthy

When he told you you’re not loved

When he told you you’re not beautiful

That you’ll never be enough

Next to him, a woman’s sweet harmony blends in on the chorus as she leans closer.

Fear, he is a liar

He will take your breath

Stop you in your steps

Fear he is a liar

He will rob your rest

Steal your happiness

Cast your fear in the fire

‘Cause fear he is a liar

Trish moves to the podium wiping her eyes. “Okay, I need a moment.” After taking a sip of water and a couple of deep breaths, “Can you feel it? God’s already at work here and I am so excited to be a part of this.”

“I’m Trish and I met most of you at check in. Pastor Sol already introduced himself so let me take a minute to introduce the rest of the chaperones. If you guys will stand, that’ll help.” She gestures toward the seats facing the room.

“We are blessed to have three married couples with us this weekend. Dana and John are in charge of all things musical,” she pauses as they stand and wave.

“Paula and Adam.” They stand as she continues, “Are handling technology and let me say that I think you’re going to appreciate their work by the end of tonight.”

“And last but not least, Susan and Nick will make sure everyone’s tummy is full.” They stand joining the other chaperones and then all sit down.

“This feels a little awkward doesn’t it?” She nods her head as she smiles encouragingly at the embarrassed faces in front of her. “Some of you might already know each other or at least recognize someone. We covered this during the interviews but just a reminder. If you gravitate towards those you already know and feel comfortable with, then you’ll miss the reason you came this weekend.”

“Pastor Sol prayed for you to ‘open your minds and bare your souls’. Hopefully, I can give you some tips to help open your minds, so you don’t miss any opportunities. Cause let’s not waste time pretending, you’re here to find that special someone.”

She moves from behind the podium and wanders slowly around the room. “How many of you have heard about Mail Order Brides from the late 1800s?” Only a few hands go up.

“Okay. Well for those who haven’t, let me give you a quick history lesson.” She moves to a whiteboard and starts writing as she speaks. “Men moved to the west for the free land, but it was too rugged for women in the beginning. Women in the east and south were without men to take care of them.”

As a woman shifts with an annoyed look on her face, the light bounces off her nose ring, “I don’t like that women apparently had to be taken care of. Why did they need men so much?”

“I love that question! Since y’all don’t know each other yet, how about introducing yourself when you have a question or comment?” Trish grins at the group excited with their participation and then points to the woman who just spoke.

“Hi, I’m Monica.” She turns and gives a little wave. “And I still don’t like that women needed men so much.” She shrugs her shoulders.

“But what rights did they have back then? Sorry, I’m Lexie.” She flashes a bright smile and her blue eyes twinkle as looks around the room. “Women couldn’t own property and there weren’t many jobs that were deemed appropriate by society. Why do think there were so many saloon girls and ladies of the night?”

“Wait a minute,” a guy interjects looking startled. “You mean if they didn’t become a mail order bride, they’d have to be prostitutes? I’m Tony.”

“Well, there was another option,” Lexie pauses dramatically. “They could starve.”

“Okay,” he admits. “I guess I’ve always thought the mail order bride thing was about them wanting a husband. I hadn’t thought about the why behind them needing one.”

Enjoying the byplay, Trish smiles, points to the whiteboard, and continues speaking.

“So, we have a formula for success. Men needed women to cook and clean, women needed men to provide food to cook and a home to clean. Men needed women in order to have babies. Women needed men in order to have babies. It was a mutually beneficial relationship that just happened to be arranged through the mail.”

“Mix and Match is based on this Mail Order Bride concept, both people in the arrangement appreciated how the other made their life better. Of course, your circumstances aren’t as dire as those folks back then, but the premise is still sound.”

“How many of you have tried an online dating service?” Trish scans across the room.

Several hands shoot up quickly, then more hands slowly go up until everyone has one in the air. Monica makes eye contact with the woman beside her and they snicker.

“Is someone willing to share why they think it didn’t work for them?”

“I’m Sharon and I wasn’t willing to relocate farther than 25 miles, so I had very few matches,” she responds matter-of-factly.

“I was willing to relocate, and I had so many matches it was crazy.” Tony looks uncomfortable, “I didn’t have time to read everyone’s profiles.”

“Me too. I’m Ryan. I just started eliminating women without a photo or if the photo looked old.”

“Of course you did! I’m Amy.” She gives him a smile to show she’s not really mad.

Ryan shifts his long legs and shakes his head. “I know it sounds bad, but when you’re getting 10 – 20 new matches a day, you’ve got to weed through them … just saying.”

“And that’s probably what happened to me … because I followed the recommendations that told me not to have my photo visible immediately,” Lexie frowns remembering all the time and effort she put into her foray in online dating.

“Wow, I can feel a lot of frustration in this room,” Trish says. “I can definitely relate because I tried the online dating process and it never worked for me either, but I know couples who were able to make it work.”

Back at the podium, she holds up a book. “Has anyone read Date or SoulMate?”

Lexie looks around the room to see if anyone else has ever heard of it, but they look just as clueless.

“Have you heard of Neil Clark Warren?”

“Sounds familiar,” Sharon tentatively offers. “But not sure why.”

“What about eHarmony®?” Trish asks hopefully. The relief is palpable as people smile and nod their heads.

“Whew!” She wipes her hand across her brow. “I thought I’d lost y’all for a moment! Neil Warren was the founder of eHarmony® and wrote this book. It truly changed my thinking about finding a husband and if you have subscribed to their service, then you’ve read most of this information. Our team has created some activities loosely based on these concepts for this weekend. Wouldn’t it be great to have a roadmap to help you sort through Potentials more logically than emotionally?”

Ryan asks, “What’s a Potential?”

“Oh yeah, ‘Potentials’ refers to the twelve potential mates you are getting to know this weekend. Lots quicker than saying potential mate of the opposite sex each time.” She says the last sentence quickly and then takes a deep breath.

Pointing to Ryan and Tony, “These guys had too many matches online and were stressed so they did their best to choose the cream of the crop to pursue. But, after hearing that some women here didn’t make their photos visible immediately, eliminating based on photos alone could remove a great potential match.”

“As we go through this weekend, hopefully you’ll learn a few strategies to help you size up Potentials quickly before emotions get involved.”

“Which brings us back to the ‘bare your soul’ part of Pastor Sol’s prayer. You’re here because your soul cries out for a mate. Our culture says there is only one person in the universe that can complete you … your soulmate. With that kind of thinking, you start eliminating potential mates before you really know them, simply because there isn’t an instant connection.”

“This weekend we will show you a Biblical view of soulmate starting with Genesis 2:18, The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him,” Trish reads from her Bible. Think of help as supplying that which the individual cannot supply themselves.” She begins walking around the room again.

“Like the mail order brides!” Lexie jumps in excitedly.

“Like the mail order brides,” Trish repeats softly.

“So, if you start thinking in terms of how you’re suitable to help your mate, then we’re looking more at a helpmate rather than a soulmate.” Trish meets Sol’s eyes and smiles. “But I think you’ll find they go together. A true soulmate will also be your helpmate.”

“Paradigm shift is defined by Merriam Webster as an important change that happens when the usual way of thinking about or doing something is replaced by a new and different way,” she reads from her journal.

“If you can make this shift from thinking about soulmate to helpmate,” she pauses until she has everyone’s attention, “Then your world will be shaken up in the best of ways.”

Trish looks over and sees Sharon crossing her arms and frowning. “Uh oh, I already have a hater. Be honest, what’s bothering you right now?”

“It sounds like I’m only supposed to care about what he needs and that seems like a recipe for disaster,” she answers in exasperation.

“Let me clarify.” Trish clasps her hands together as she thinks. “Popular culture encourages us to focus on how the other person makes us feel. It’s all me, me, me. We’re proposing, if you focus on what they need from you, it will change your perception and your heart.”

She smiles at Sharon. “Trust me and hang in there, we’re just getting started.”

Trish gives her arms a shake and stretches them above her head for relief, “Well, this feels like the first day of school and I’m tired of talking, so we’re going to take a break.”

“But first you need to learn what to do during this break.” Sol says with a smile as personalized journals are passed out.

“The Mix and Match team wrote information in your journals because we see each of you as the unique individual God made and loves.” Susan displays a journal a la Vanna White.

“Throughout this weekend, we encourage you to keep this journal close and use it as a tool to record your thoughts.” John adds as he strums a chord.

“The bookmarked page shows interests you hope to share with a mate.” Dana points to a page in the journal. “During our break, the goal is for you to find at least two Potentials with shared interests.”

“Can we ask other kinds of questions?”

“Focus on interests tonight. Also, only share first names and no contact information should be requested or offered.”

“Why?”

“This is what you agreed to when you signed the contract. It’s a safeguard to help each of you feel protected. This way you don’t have to worry about hurting someone’s feelings if they ask for your number and you aren’t ready to share yet.”

Adam steps to the podium “Okay, so everyone get up, move around, find a drink, and share with at least two Potentials.”

“Ready. . . set . . . Wait!”

Annoyed groans fill the room as they lean back in their chairs.

“I almost forgot! We want to challenge you this weekend to not ask any Potential what they do for a living.”

Now, Ready . . . Set . . . Mingle!”

———————————————–

Running her fingers over the embossed letters of her name, Lexie feels the first stirrings of hope that her prayers will be answered this weekend.

The man beside her watches and realizes this is a paradigm shift. He’s already wondering what he can say to make her feel comfortable rather than impress her.

“Hi, my name’s Danny. Can I get you something to drink? I don’t think they thought about the inevitable traffic jam when everyone decides to get drinks at the same time,” he smiles.

“Thanks.” Lexie looks up at him, teary-eyed.

“Hey, is everything okay?”

“I’m fine.” She offers a watery smile.

“Uh oh. Whenever my sister says that it means she’s not fine and I’m supposed to know what’s wrong.” He shakes his head.

“Okay, how about, I’m filled with so much joy and hope for this weekend, I’m getting a little emotional. Is that better?” she asks with a bit of sass.

“Better,” he grins. “So, let me guess, you’re an herbal tea with no sugar kind of girl, right?”

“Good guess, but tonight Dr. Pepper sounds pretty good or anything not diet, please.”

“Okay, I’m off to secure sustenance for us.” Danny moves towards the kitchen.

“And I’ll be waiting.” As he heads to the drinks, she labels a blank page in her journal with his name and starts to write.

———————————————–

Across the room, Tony looks at the man beside him as they walk to the kitchen. “What do you think about all this?”

“Well, I feel like I’m at a ‘get in touch with your inner man’ kind of retreat, but I get it’s all Biblically based.” He shrugs his shoulders. “That’s why I was willing to give it a try since I can’t seem to find Ms. Right on my own.”

“Yeah, I hear you.” Tony grabs a bottle of water.

As they continue talking, one of the women comes over, “Hey gentlemen, how about if we share our interests?” she asks with a smile. “I’m Jill and I like to cook.”

“Well, Jill, I’m Patrick and I love to eat!” He gives her a wink and she laughs.

“Hey, I’m Tony and can I get in on this because I love to eat too.” They begin talking about favorite foods.

Suddenly, Sol lets loose a whistle worthy of a longshoreman. The silence is instantaneous, and everyone starts heading back to their seats.

———————————————–

Dana sits beside John and as he plays his guitar. She closes her eyes and begins singing.

Jesus, friend of sinners, we have strayed so far away

We cut down people in your name

but the sword was never ours to swing

Jesus, friend of sinners, the truth’s become so hard to see

The world is on their way to You but they’re tripping over me

Always looking around but never looking up I’m so double minded

A plank eyed saint with dirty hands and a heart divided

John joins her in the chorus.

Oh Jesus, friend of sinners

Open our eyes to the world at the end of our pointing fingers

Let our hearts be led by mercy

Help us reach with open hearts and open doors

Oh Jesus, friend of sinners,

break our hearts for what breaks yours

Sol moves to the podium smiling and begins to pray.  “Lord help us to demonstrate Matthew 7:1 Do not judge, or you too will be judged. Let us see each other through your eyes tonight and in Jesus’ name we pray. Amen.”

Trish comes back to the podium and smiles as she takes his hand. He squeezes hers in response and smiles back. “He is a man of few words and the man of my heart, but ladies, I’ll be honest, sometimes we struggle since I am a woman of too many words. But that’s part of the dance.” She lets go of his hand as he moves to sit down.

“When Mix and Match was considering speakers for this retreat, they decided to find facilitators instead. That means that we’re not experts, but someone who has traveled this path and wants to help make your journey a little easier.”

“Pastor Sol and I have known of each other for three years but only started dating last year. We are now officially engaged.” She waves her ring in the air and waits, smiling, for the resulting applause to calm down.

“We worked through this book with a group of other singles.” She holds up the book, Date or SoulMate. “I doubt he would’ve ever asked me out until he decided to follow the advice in this book.” Sol nods his head in agreement. “But he took a chance and it turned out that even though we’re opposites in the vocal parts of life, we share most of each other’s ‘Must Haves’.”

Making her way around the room, she continues, “People often jump to conclusions based on a single characteristic. He doesn’t say much so he must be an introvert. She always has a perfect manicure and stylish hair, so she must be high maintenance.”

“Matthew 7:1 is about judging each other’s inner motives. Not making decisions based upon surface level information.”

Trish steps up to Sol and places her hand on his shoulder. “Here we have a perfect example of an extrovert who just doesn’t need to talk a lot.” Moving over to Paula she continues,” And here is a woman who owns a styling salon, so she likes to advertise her business by being fully done up every day.”

“Well, now I know where to go for my next manicure.” Lexie smiles at Paula.

She smiles back and Trish moves to the front of the room. “I bet each one of you has had a time when someone made an assumption about you that was incorrect, and you never got a chance to defend yourself.”

Several thoughtfully nod their heads.

“Hold onto to that. I’d like y’all to turn to page 10 in your journal labeled Friday night and write down at least one of those times and how it made you feel.” Trish works the room to make sure everyone understands.

John begins to play his guitar softly and Nick and Susan start passing around snacks while the Potentials write in their journals.

———————————————–

“Perfect timing as I’m sure you heard my stomach growling.” One of the men jokes as he passes the snacks to the brown-eyed blonde beside him.

“I guess it was a duet, did you see me squirming trying to distract from the rumblings? I’m Lori by the way.” She tries to be nonchalant while taking in his cheerful brown eyes, cropped hair, and enough muscles to make a girl swoon.

“Oh, sorry. Nice to meet you Lori, I’m Chris.” They smile and go back to writing.

“I’m Ashley, I bet everyone assumes you’re a model, right? Because you’ve got the hair and the build for it. What’s your name?” She winks at the man beside her.

Clearly uncomfortable, he passes the snacks to the statuesque blonde. “Wes. These brownies look good, wonder if they’re homemade.”

Everybody continues to write for a few moments while the music fills the room.

“Many of you had an answer rather quickly and I can tell from the furious writing, I’ve pushed some buttons.” Trish moves back to the podium.

“Now I’d like y’all to turn it around, think of a time you made an assumption about a potential date that turned out to be untrue or caused you to bail out before finding the truth.”

“That person in Sunday School who has a tattoo on their arm. Did you choose not to get to know them because of it and then never found out if there was a meaning behind it?” She puts her hands on her hips. “Just because someone has a tattoo doesn’t mean they got it during a drunken night of debauchery.”

She waits for their laughter to die down. “Lots of people get tattoos in memory of someone who has died or some other life-changing event.”

“Write down at least one potential date you missed out on because of an assumption you made.” She grabs a brownie from Sol as they wait for everybody to answer the new question.

———————————————–

After writing in her journal, Monica stands and asks the guy beside her, “Need a refill?” Without looking, he starts to say no, but then notices she has a nose ring that seems to smirk at him. Blinking, he replies, “Sure, I could use some water if they have any left and I’m Scott.” As she walks away, he wonders, Was it too obvious that I don’t like nose rings?

———————————————–

“Okay, time for another break. Try to find at least two new Potentials with shared interests,” John explains as he moves around the room.

Chris stands up and shouts out, “Any ladies who like to play golf, come on over and let’s chat.”

Patrick chimes in, “Good idea. How about water skiing?”

Trish steps over to them and says gently, “Let’s try to do this by going to someone and asking the questions since this is about making one-on-one connections.” They both nod in response, equally chagrined for the moment.

Monica smiles at Amy beside her, “I guess we know at least two guys who aren’t shy.”

“I think you’re right.” She writes in her journal as they share a laugh.

———————————————–

Nearly everyone takes the time to mingle and talk, but there are a few quiet ones standing off by themselves. John moves to a guy by the door who looks ready to bolt. Dana speaks with a woman staring at the floor. They bring them together and introduce them, helping them start a conversation.

A few minutes later, Trish looks at Sol and he whistles again.

As people take their seats, she says, “I’m impressed with how many of you are pushing out of your comfort zone to talk to people. It’s hard … it’s draining … but it’s worth it.”

“Let’s go over what to expect this weekend and beyond, in case the details are a little fuzzy.” She grins at the group bouncing on her toes a bit.

“Just so you know, we had over 100 applications to attend the retreat here tonight,” Sol adds with raised eyebrows.

Monica mouths “Wow!” looking over at Lexie.

“The Mix and Match team spent hours reading and praying over these applications and believe God wants you here this weekend.” Trish continues, “Look on page five in your journal and read over some of what had to happen for you to be invited tonight.”

1. In-depth application.
2. Live within a 25-mile radius of Mackey.
3. Pass a criminal background, credit score, and STD check.
4. Recommendation submitted by church member and verified by phone.
5. Paid nonrefundable fee for this weekend.
6. Agreed you were looking for a marriage partner, not just a date.
7. Agreed to complete the process and give it your best effort.
8. Agreed that event photos of you could be used on social media sites.

“Why did you limit it to a 25-mile radius?”

“We want to make sure any matches live within an hour of each other.”

“Do we get to see each other’s application answers?” Danny asks playfully. A woman quickly raises her head in alarm, then looks down and slowly rubs her fingers back and forth across the name on her journal – Lydia.

“Good try,” John laughs. “If you remember, we stated that your answers to some of the questions would be confidential. No, you won’t be able to read their applications. But we do plan to create a profile for each Potential that will be shared with you after this weekend.”

Danny and a few others nod in acceptance and Lydia gives a subtle sigh of relief.

“Any other questions?”

“Okay, what happens after this weekend?” Lexie asks leaning forward in her chair.

John grins, “Y’all will go back home and decide whether you want to continue with this process. Each week for the next six weeks, there will be a dinner on Tuesday night and a group event on Saturday to give you more in-depth time to get to know each other.”

“At the end of the six weeks, you’ll let us know if you want to share your contact information with any of the Potentials,” Dana explains.

“Can I just go home now?” Sharon asks in defeat. “My sister bought this for me and I’ll be really busy during the next six weeks.”

“I encourage you to stay this weekend since there are no refunds and I think you’ll learn something that can help you in your future search. But of course, if, after this weekend, you don’t want to continue the process, we’ll remove you from the group,” Trish explains. “We do have backups to keep the couples even.”

“Okay, here’s your homework assignment.” Several people in the crowd groan in distaste. “I know, I know, but this will be worth it. Now, what do you think deal-breaker means?”

“Something so horrible you can’t even imagine dealing with it?” replies Patrick holding his hands up to his cheeks in exaggerated distress.

“Dramatic, much?” Lexie rolls her eyes.

Trish raises her eyebrows. “Yeah, a little intense but that’s the idea. Tonight, start creating your own list of deal-breakers.”

“Um, sorry but I’m not sure I understand what you mean.” Danny apologizes while looking around the room to see if he’s the only one confused.

“If you’re allergic to cats and are miserable when in their presence, then having a cat in the house could be a deal-breaker for you,” Nick explains. Heads nod in relief as understanding dawns.

Susan stands up. “Breakfast will be available from 7:00 am – 9:00 am. Our first meeting tomorrow is at 9:00 am with men in the basement and women here in the main room.”

“Some of you will be glad to know that tomorrow is an action day.” Adam rubs his hands together. “Eat breakfast so you’re fueled. Also, make sure to wear your swimsuit under your shorts and shirt.”

Sol points his finger at the group, “No couples in any private areas alone unless they’re married.”

“Does that include you and Trish?” Chris asks with a grin. Sol laughs as he nods his head yes.

Trish moves to wrap it up, “Now we need all the guys to go down to the basement and ladies please make your way to the third-floor sitting room.”